Mothers Day

I wanted to title this…WAIT! I almost forgot Mother's Day!  

Truth is life is so busy this little blog has been neglected.  And I miss connecting with friends and documenting what's been going on in the little's lives so much.  I really hope to get back in the swing of things soon-bear with me folks!

We had a great Mothers Day weekend.

Pictured here is my mom, aka Rosie, and my sister, aka the BEST sister in the world.  I LOVE these ladies so so much.  They are my role models and I don't tell them that enough.  

Not pictured is my sweet MIL who made Hank a bow tie and Carsyn's "Dolly" a dress in record time without batting an eye.  She's such an awesome woman, awesome wife, awesome mom.

I love being a mom so much and am in awe that God blessed me with these sweet babes.  And of course this guy too.

I hope all you moms had a great time celebrating with your loved ones!

One day I will look back and laugh

There will be a point in your mommy life that a 10 minute shower will be a luxury. You'll throw your 18 month old in bed, prop your 3 year old that thinks she's a teenager in front of Liv and Maddie with a yogurt and plot your escape. You'll gather necessities, pour a glass of wine and tell your toddler mommy needs a shower, not to move and come get her if it's an emergency. You'll be singing John Mayer to the top of your lungs and your hair will be at full slather when you hear the urgent wails..."Mom! I need to poop."

So you hop out of the shower remembering your daughter is in full ballerina mode and can't possibly de-tutu fast enough. You will remove slippers, tights, and tutus and place her on the potty in which she replies the urge has left her.

You tell her to keep trying and reassure her Mommy is there and hop back in the shower. You haven't  got the shampoo rinsed out before your princess proclaims "I did it! All finished!"

You hop back out of the shower ever so gracefully because the tiles are soaking wet and offer to ballerin-ifa your daughter once again.  While in the process she'll repulsively say "Ewwww! You're getting me all wet! Take it off!" "Dry my dress now!" In which you'll sigh, swig a drink of your wine and think quickly of a compromise.

Being the brilliant, seasoned mom you are you begin to barter. "Tell you what Carsyn", you say. "If you let Mommy finish showering she'll pour you a big bowl of Cheerios!" (Important tidbit- kids love Cheerios. I pack them everywhere. They make really big messes. Which is why kids probably like them).  She mulls it over as I stand shivering. "Ok!"she resigns,  "Put my blue Cinderella panties on, get my blue tutu, and find my lip gloss."

Oh mom. You were outwitted again.

But you don't give up.

You scramble and do all those things, naked, sopping wet, and sudsy headed.  Mentally high fiving yourself for locating the lip gloss under the sofa you return to shower...

And it's like a blast from the Rockies.

In a feeble attempt to avoid being frozen solid you quickly rinse, dry and reach to take one more sip when you here it...

Moo-oom!

I spilled Cheerios!!

Come clean me up!!!

I'm waiting on the steps.

Oh, my darling ballerina.  Good thing you're cute.

Seasons

I'm watching MMCH for the 8000 time and a topless 3 year old is bouncing off the walls.  Its after midnight and though I vowed to get the kids in bed earlier when we "fell back" I find myself failing miserably. Its ok though.  Hanky is usually in bed by 9:30 and Carsyn is a nice little companion.  I figured I'd take this time to write a quick note on where my heart is these days.

Carsyn just spilled her milk for the second time today after Hank dumped his out countless times.  I've cleaned more spills and wiped more tails today then I care to admit.  I poured a glass of wine at 11:30 and vowed Carsyn would be in bed and I'd catch up on some PLL on Netflix.  I was wrong.  After a quick 11:00 bath Carsyn was determined to watch Mickey and sometimes its easier to give in than argue.

So she's all set in the playroom with a fresh glass of milk and I'm in the living room picking up when I hear her scream she's spilled milk everywhere.  I swear this kid loses it when she gets messy. Maybe that explains why she's going through a topless and wanting to sleep naked phase? Anyway, in a rush I knock over my wine...she's crying, I'm crying and then I just have to laugh.

Today has been one of those rare Saturdays with nothing to do.  The rush of the holiday season is upon us and I know the next few months we'll be super busy.  And we like being busy.  In fact Carsyn asks me every day when we get up where we're going.  She started asking Thursday what we were doing Saturday.  Poor Hank even brings me his shoes now to put on and goes and stands by the door.

I told Carsyn we were not going anywhere Saturday- We were going to watch Peter Pan and make cupcakes.  And we did.  We stayed in our pjs, well me in my pjs, Hank in a diaper, and Carsyn in a strawberry shortcake dress.  We played with every toy in the house.  It was utter chaos.

Or as W would say pure pandemonium.  I started asking when bedtime was at 8, I think.  And here I am hours later.  Spilled milk has been swiped up, snoozing babes are in their rooms and I'm staring at a blinking cursor. Just like always once the kiddos are in bed I start missing them.

I reflect on the day and even though Carsyn is going through her strong willed phase she's pretty awesome.  Hilarious.  And a complete teenager sometimes with her desire to wear lip gloss and high heels.  Hank is growing so fast and imitating everything big sister does.  He's really started to take an interest in toys now and its so cute.  He still likes to torture Carsyn and steal her Barbies but he also loves anything with wheels.

I catch myself letting them out of my sight for longer moments of time.  Lets forget about earlier tonight when I heard them giggling uncontrollably and Carsyn brought me a pair of scissors proclaiming she probably shouldn't have them.  You're right sister.  Then after handing them over stating I might want to take Hanky's too.  Right again little momma.

But earlier they were pushing trains around the house squealing with delight and I thought about how awesome it was.  Really awesome.  Awesome enough to make me forget about anything that didn't go as planned today.

I am just really enjoying this season of life.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't need more hours in the day to take care of household chores.  Or if I said I didn't wish more often than I'd care to admit for a larger home with more room for toys and a bigger yard to roam.  Or if I can't help but get excited for the day I can cook dinner without little ones wrapped around my legs.

Then I start to think.  Its just a season.

And just like hot summers fade into crisp Falls, life changes and evolves.

There's that newborn season where you know sleep filled nights are ahead and you don't mind that 3 am wake up call.  Or that newborn season when your baby screams and screams and there's nothing you can do and it seems like time is standing still.

Or the toddler season when you rarely sit down and wonder how your legs manage to keep moving.  And then remember its likely due to the 4 cups of coffee you've inhaled that day.

I dread the teenage season most and my heart already aches for missed buzzer beaters, failed pop quizzes, and prom let downs.

The season I'm in now is chaotic and never dull.  But its peaceful at the same time.  I may not be ready for the season ahead but I'm darn sure going to enjoy the one I'm in.

On Letting them Be Little

I'm upstairs with the windows open on a beautiful Fall day.  The kids are snoozing..albeit a little later than I'd like, but I"ll take it.  We've been running crazy all day and I'm happy to have a free moment to collect my thoughts.  The vacuum is humming downstairs and I am feeling zero guilt about having someone help out with cleaning house.

I've been thinking a lot for probably a year about what to do about putting Carsyn in school.  I feel like without a doubt if she was my only one she'd have started at least 2 days a week at age 2.  The minute I found out we were having Hanky our family dynamic changed big time.

Rosie was able to retire and cut my work load in half.  I was able to be more of a SAHM and less of a mess of a WAHM/TYKTWM (take your kids to work mom).  Yep I made that up I think.  And for those that manage to work with your kids I applaud you.  You're awesome.  Its the hardest thing I do honestly.  The days I work with the kids Rosie watches them and my hands are still full.  They still need momma every now and then.

Back to the school thing.  I was not going to bring a new baby home in July and send Carsyn to school within a month of each other.  There was and is no doubt in my mind she'd resent that.  She wasn't potty trained(still isn't), paci broke(nope), and plain wasn't ready in my opinion.  I'm her momma and my opinion counts.

That first year with Hank flew by.  Y'all know what I'm talking about..You blink, they're sitting up, you blink, they're eating foods, you blink, they're walking.

And boom.  It was time to think I had missed the boat in putting Carsyn in school as it likely would have a wait list.  She'd be three and more than ready.  I pushed it to the back of my mind.  Dismissed it really.  And when I told people I felt like when I sent her to school I wanted to send Hank too I'd get looks of disapproval. Or I'd get people trying to talk me into letting her be her own person.  And I GET that.  Really I do.  I actually think she'd prosper at school.  She loves kids, loves learning, and listens better than W.. (Sorry hubby I love you though).

But here's the thing.  She's not home with me all day.  She goes to Rosie and Pops at least 3 days a week.  The same Rosie that taught Kindergarten for umpteen years and taught Carsyn all of her letters.  Even F and Q and Z and the hard ones.  The same Rosie that actually talked me out of putting Carsyn on a wait list.

The other days we go out and eat in a "restaurant"-Carsyn's favorite thing.

We go to the post office and I teach her how to mail a letter.

We go to the grocery store and she asks what every. single. item. on the shelf is.  And I answer half the time ;)

We go watch Maddox play baseball even though its 2 hours away.

We go to the park and feed the ducks.

We take Ranger and Wagon rides in the sticks.

We play tag and hide and seek with Rosie and Pops.

We go shopping...(Yep totally considered a learning experience).

We share toys with baby brother and try to teach him to color and draw and sometimes play Barbies.

We go to Bob Evans for breakfast dates and pancakes like we did this morning.

We prep dinner together.

We meet friends for lunch dates.

And on weekends we go to parties and church and enjoy socializing with our friends.

I feel like our weeks are spent with family and loved ones and while learning is not at the top of our agenda family is.  And family time trumps all.

So, for now my children will start school when I'm ready.  I'm just not willing to let go of midday nap cuddles, my late breakfast dates, and my mid morning play dates.

Now, if anyone wants to babysit a few hours a week so I can get a mani/pedi or hair appt kid free I'd totally be for that.

Fear's a powerful thing, baby

So, yesterday's message in church really got my wheels spinning...I love it when that happens.  And I connected what the Pastor was saying to one of my favorite Springsteen songs.  

I'll get to that later.

I'm weird like that, I guess.  

And I'm glad the Pastor doesn't read my blog because I'm sure he'd think I'm cuckoo.

He made us turn to Mark 4:35-41 in the Bible and look at the story of the storm when Jesus calmed the wind.

³⁵ That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” ³⁶ Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷ A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸ Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”

³⁹ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

⁴⁰ He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

There are two words which collide here: Faith and Fear.

Now, fears reigns pretty supreme in my house.  W grapples with the all consuming fear.  Fear of financial stability, fear of death and leaving the babes too early, while I'm the opposite.  My fears are like little insecurities which nag me all the time.

I firmly believe its in His hands.  I really do.  When I was about to have Carsyn my blood pressure went through the roof and I'm fairly certain I had a mild panic attack.  It was by far the scariest moment of my life.  I survived.  The Lord blessed me with that sweet baby girl and fears took on a whole new meaning.  

I dealt with fears like I'd never known for that first year of being a mom.  Sleepless nights and worry all but consumed me.  I think its like that with all first time moms, but I could be wrong.  When I found out I was expecting Hank I prayed like I'd never prayed before.  I really wondered why I became pregnant with Hank when I was so overcome with anxiety raising one child.  Carsyn would throw a fit and we'd both meltdown and I'd just look to the Lord and say "And you think I can raise two?!"

And then along came Hanky and I saw God's plan.  His plan for me to appreciate every sleepless night.  To appreciate each sigh and each cuddle.  And to laugh at every fit thrown and toy tossed.  A plan for me to experience the joy of motherhood.

I'm really working on shutting my fears down and letting my faith work its magic.  

I'm so used to being afraid in public...what if I scold my children too harshly and the lady at the checkout counter thinks I'm a bad mom?  

And afraid when I lay the kids down at night..Hank will not sleep without his blanket..what if he gets tangled in it?  

And afraid I'm disappointing my parents..Does Dad need me to help more?  Does Mom think I'm a good mom?

Back to Mark.  Do you know this is the only reference in the Bible of Jesus sleeping?  He is resting and his ship is about to sink!!!

Should we not use this as a guide?  Should we shoot down our fears no matter how large or small simply because we have Faith?

I think Bruce wrote Devils and Dust from a soldier's perspective and while its one of his darkest songs its one of my favorites.

I got God on my side

And I'm just trying to survive

What if what you do to survive

Kills the things you love

Fear's a powerful thing, baby

It can turn your heart black you can trust

It'll take your God filled soul

And fill it with devils and dust

You see, fears to me are like little joy suckers...And I think they can build up and build up until they consume you. 

Do your fears consume you?

Long Days..

 The saying the days are long, but the years are short keeps floating around in my mind lately.

It just really hits home.

My baby boy is rapidly approaching his first birthday and 2 short months after that my baby girl will be three.

They each amaze me every day and show me the meaning of true, selfless love.

I lose my patience, I long for a few minutes of peace, but I also laugh sometimes til I cry.  I pick up the phone and call my mom or W and say guess what so and so just did!

Every day is long, but every day is a gift.

Carsyn loves music and dancing and twirls around the house constantly. Hank is usually crawling behind at a blink of your eye pace.  Their love for one another humbles me.  It surpasses anything I could imagine.  Carsyn is already looking out for Hank and Hank is just happier when his big sister is around.

The days are busy and spent changing diapers, cleaning spilled yogurt, humming lullabyes, coercing naps, and bartering toys.  They're exhausting.  They're never dull.  They're sometimes never-ending. But I know one day I'd trade a year for one of these days.

My Day in Numbers

16- diapers changed

100- kisses given and received

3- cups of coffee (ingested, devoured, gulped)

20- number of times my patience is lost

20- number of times I remember to count my blessings

2- miles ran pushing a double stroller (on a lucky day)

57- "MOMMA!!!!"'s heard

3- hours of Disney jr endured

15- frantic texts sent 

10- sippys/bottles washed, dried, sometimes put away

3- loads of laundry finished

7- books read

12- songs sang

5- nursing sessions with the bambino

6- wardrobe changes

2- bathtime shenanigans

0- places I'd rather be

let's not do this again

You know those days that you just want to stay in bed?  When you have a gut feeling its just not going to be a good day?  That was me Friday.  I had planned to make the near 2 hour trip to have my car serviced for a while.  For those new here the 2 hour trip is no biggie.  I go about once a week to shop and see my sister and her family.  Now, when it was just me and baby girl we flew solo, but now that little man has joined the crew I take reinforcements...aka, Rosie.

We loaded up 2 kids, a double stroller, diaper bags, etc in the pouring, soaking, drenching rain and set out on time.  We wheeled into the dealership and made arrangements to be dropped off where my kind sister had left us her vehicle with 2 carseats all set up in the back.  Once dropped off we moved the stroller and diaper bags to my sisters SUV (pouring drenching rain continues) and I give the people from the dealership a card with my cell number instructing them to call me when my car was ready.  At this point I hear my hair frizzing up, or rather growing exponentially.  So its not going to be a good day for me looks wise-I can deal.

Deciding the rain will not deter us Rosie, Hank, Carsyn, and I set out to shop and dine.  First stop, Panera where Carsyn usually devours a grilled cheese, yogurt, pickle, and cookie.  Today though, no dice.  This is a sign perhaps Carsyn is not in the best of moods.  We decide to drop her and Rosie off at the Lilly store to pick up a few dresses and let momma feed Hank in the car.  First mistake, Rosie decides to let Carsyn go in the children's store and try on shoes.  Carsyn wants shoes, does not want to take them off.  Rosie calls mom and states Carsyn will not take the shoes off, they're pink and white sequin..can she have them.  Completely practical, yes?  Ummm, the answer would be no. Momma instructs Rosie to distract with promises of seeing Maddox later and ice cream.

While in the car I decide to sneak a peek of myself in the rearview..Holy smokes! The rain has not been kind.  I dig through my purse to find a ponytail holder to no avail.  At this moment Hank chooses to look at me laugh and poop.  Big poop.  We're talking wardrobe change poop.  No. Big. Deal.  I stand with the driver door open and lay Hank in the driver's seat to change him...Well, lets just say he creates a mess there so we move to the passenger seat to finish the process.  Baby is clean, changed, and now happily cooing in the carseat in the back and I proceed to wipe the entire front of my sister's SUV with a baby wipe.  Its still raining.  I'm looking HOT.

At this point Hank and I finally make it to the Lilly store to pick up the dresses.  Well apparently everyone in the eastern United States has become a Republican and decided the elephant Cassie dress is a must have.  What? (Side note, a big sister and the Lilly Store in Longboat Key can work miracles together to make sure a little sis's fashion needs are met-so if you need to find something I recommend you start there).  I'm not about to whine over a dress so I put on my happy face and proceed to move on.

We decide to change direction and go to another baby store to see what they have for Carsyn.  If you know me, you know I love to shop and I have a weakness when it comes to baby girl clothes.  Pair that with a little birthday spending money and I become dangerous.  We find nothing. One measly little outfit for Carsyn and she's pretty much exhausted.  She screams and cries not wanting to leave the toys in the store.  We distract with promises of Maddox.  At least its stopped raining and we arrive at the mall to kill an hour and let Carsyn run around the play area in hopes it will wear her out.  My pal at JCrew hooks me up with a ponytail holder, Hank is sleeping, Carsyn is playing and I snag a PSL.  Things are looking up and I call the car dealership to see how things are going.  I'm told someone will call me back.

We load the kids back up in the car and Carsyn falls asleep immediately.  Its time for Hank to eat again so we decide that's more important than picking up my car and the dealership said to be there before 6:00.  Plenty of time.  We pull into the dealership at 5:45 and I walk to the service desk to pick up my car.  The lady tells me they didn't get to it.  What the what?????  Apparently they needed my verbal permission to service it and could not get ahold of me because my cell number was not on record.  Y'all I'm frazzled.  They offer me a loaner and my sister offers to let me keep her SUV.  The kids are becoming cranky and I'm becoming cranky and hungry so we head out for Chilis to drown our troubles in margaritas.  I kid, I kid!

As soon as we pull in Carsyn sees the big chili out front and is immediately smitten.  "Big punkin!" she yells.  Its cute.  We go in and order quickly, mac and cheese for Carsyn and grilled cheese for Maddox.  Maddox proceeds to show Carsyn the treasure map he made at school.  Carsyn proceeds to crumble it in her fingers.  Maddox proceeds to melt down.  His mom urges him to share.  I proceed to rip the map from Carsyn's tight little grip and promise her a trip to big punkin.  Her little eyes light up and I feel I've won the battle.  Momma is SO smart.  She runs 347 circles around big punkin squealing in delight while people park their cars and stare.  She embraces big punkin, she kisses big punkin and at this point I want big punkin to magically disappear.  I begin coaxing her...deluding her with promises of the best mac and cheese ever...ice cream and cookies for dessert.  She wants to stay with big punkin.  I tear her away and she seems distracted enough once we get back inside as our food has arrived.

The kids are slowly eyeing each others plates.  Maddox's lip starts to quiver...little cousin's mac and cheese looks awful tasty and his grilled cheese not so appealing.  He begins bartering with french fries-crisis averted!! My sister and I fist bump over our parenting strategies-each kid has equal parts fries, mac and cheese, and grilled cheese.  We start eating our tacos and that's when we hear it... "BIG PUNKIN"  I wolf down my food and whisk Carsyn outside once again.  She proceeds to run around big punkin 853 more times.  I think at this point people feel sorry for me and I get the sympathetic nod. I vow to never eat at Chilis again.

We tear Carsyn away, load up the car, drive through Starbucks and load everyone up on SCMs, Strawberry Frapps, and pumpkin bread.  We have a happy little ride home while Tangled plays in the background.

We survived.  Oh, and you might be asking where was Hank for the last 3 hours?? Little man was just snoozing away.  Sometimes the Lord gives you a little break.

And the next time it rains? I'm staying home.

two

I never had a "magic" number.  When I was a young adult I really didn't think about the future or have any plans laid out.  I lived in the moment.  I still do; To my detriment I guess. I got married at 21 and had 9+ years of fun with the hubby.  We vacationed, we boated, we ate dinners at restaurants without being burdened with sippy cups and bibs. We slept in on weekends, we rarely missed a UK tailgate, and were pretty much carefree. 30 came and I was not pregnant and I began wondering what direction my life was headed.  Was being a mom in the plans for me?  Shortly thereafter came Carsyn..

 

 



 

And I was content. 

 

Then surprise!!! Less than 2 years later, Hank!

 



 

And now.  I'm complete.  We're complete.  Our little family of four is my joy and I get giddy just thinking about the adventures in store for us.  I'm so grateful God blessed me with one of each. 

 

 

 

So two IS my magic number. Who knew?

A weekend of small victories

I was reading this post by AP the other day and found myself nodding with every word in agreement.  You see folks, with the first child I, along with many, had some lofty goals and expectations.  I figured dinner would be on the table as always, the house would be clean, etc.  With the second child I was pretty prepared for reality.

Truthfully, my biggest accomplishment everyday is survival.  If we make it though one day with no emergency room visits I'm happy.  If I happen to cook dinner several nights in a row, I'm ecstatic.  If the laundry gets done and I happen to shower and put on makeup?? We're talking gold medal people.  Last week was a pretty great week.  I went into work on Wednesday and felt a little bit giddy at the thought of my normal life returning.  I spent Thursday and Friday at home, in my pjs, rocking the little guy and trying to keep the toddler from collapsing from boredom.  When the hubby dropped the bomb on me he was working all weekend I might have wept.

But, I gave myself a little mental check and decided I'd do some things for myself.  Saturday morning I loaded up the kiddos and went to the lake for a walk.  The endorphins kicked in and I might have even jogged a little!  Evidently that exhausted the whole family and we took colossal 3 hour naps that evening.  Two small victories in one day!! :) 


Saturday night I decided I had to get serious about putting Hank on a schedule...and putting him in his crib.  Hank is a cuddler; big sister was not so much.  She was pretty happy laying on her back and starting sleeping in her crib pretty early.  And by sleeping, I mean small increments people.  I didn't bring her home from the hospital and sock her in it!  So after feeding little man Saturday night I swaddled him up and laid him down.  A little whimpering and he slept like that for about 3 hours. 

Of course, it kind of breaks my momma heart to see such a little guy in such a big bed so he cuddled with me the rest of the night.  (I did put him in his crib for nighttime last night as well and he made it 3 hours again!  Sweet victory!)

Sunday I had already asked Rosie to watch Hank so Carsyn and I could go to church together.  Honestly running a 10k is easier than getting myself and 2 kids ready and out the door!  Carsyn is loving sitting at my dressing table and pretending to put on makeup so that occupied her for a little while.


Hank is pretty content in his rock and play..




(And oh my goodness....do you see those little leg rolls??)

Anyway, we made it!!  Carsyn loves seeing everyone at church, but secretly I think she just goes for the toys.

So my advice to new mommas and mommas of two- Take AP's advice and celebrate those small victories!

How's this for Friday?

Its Friday!!! If Carsyn was typing this she'd say "holla!" I swear I do not know where she comes up with this stuff. Have I told you she's started calling me Jensie and her daddy Shane? Sad. A story for another day.
We're in full survival mode here in the Watts house. Hank is 3 weeks old and I'm giving myself til his 4 week birthday to start living like a human again..Including things like showering daily and getting out of my pjs before 4:00. I'm rocking the mom uniform (yoga pants and nursing bra) on a daily basis. I know what you're thinking..poor husband. Trust me, this was a good day..you'd really feel sorry for him on a bad one.

Pretty sure I snapped this pic last week and pretty sure I've rocked this ensemble about 3 times since then.



We went to the ped this week and Hank earned his nickname "hank the tank". (exhibit A) Kid is up to almost 9 lbs and has 3 chins. He loves to eat...and poop. He also loves to be cuddled. Rarely does he leave my arms or daddy's arms and when he does he is snuggled in the rock and play or carseat. One more week kiddo then you're going to the crib.

Carsyn is such a character. A demanding, energizer bunny of a character. I'm sure that has nothing to do with a sugar high from all of my cookie bribery. She has been feeding Hank goldfish lately and I'll often find him covered in them. (exhibit B)



One of her favorite things to do now is take things out of the mini fridge. (exhibit D) We thought it would be cute to have her juice boxes within easy reach. WRONG. She loves opening the fridge and getting them out. I just fear for when she opens the other side and starts lining up momma's pinot grigio.



She has also decided Mickey and Minnie need to accompany her everywhere (exhibit C). This is cute at home, but not so sure how it'll work out when we travel. I've almost decided I need a school bus to haul the munchkins around as is.

To top of my Friday Carsyn knocked my notebook off the table and now it looks like this:





It was on its last leg anyway, but guess who didn't have their pictures backed up?

Cheers to your weekend friends, I have 30 minutes of naptime left and its time to decide whether I'll chug some coffee or crash for a power nap.

Lunchdate

Basically everything in my life right now evolves around adjusting to life with 2 little ones. Its somewhat heartbreaking to watch your baby girl grow up the day you bring your baby boy home. Carsyn has actually developed into a great big sister after less than 2 weeks. She colors while I nurse and loves bringing Hank diapers and blankets. She pats his head and says "real gentle" and it pretty much melts my heart. She wrinkles her little forehead and says "don't cry Hank" when he gets fussy.

Usually after nap time she becomes a little more mommy dependent. I try to put Hank in the swing or pack and play and devote time to just her. Sometimes I can and sometimes I cannot. The other day we were having lunch together at the table and she looked at me, grinned, and said in her sweet little voice, "I love you mommy."

Don't get me wrong, I've heard it before, but she's just not a kid that says that on a daily basis. She says it when she means it, when her world is just perfect. And in that moment I realized maybe I can do this multiple kids thing. Just maybe.

Is It Enough?

I'm not going to lie. Lately I've been envisioning baby boy's arrival and with it the inability to devote my attention to both kid's needs.  Simply put, I'm afraid Carsyn will not love me anymore. I fear daddy, Judy, or Rosie will take my place. It saddens me. She's my baby girl and the thought of her needing me and me not being there KILLS me. Thank goodness God gave me a boy this go round because I guess I wasn't ready to let Carsyn relinquish the baby girl title just yet ;)  Now when she falls or feels bad and whines "I want mommy" I run to her rescue.  I relish it.  Its MY THING as her momma.  Is that instinct?  Is that just what she's familiar with?  I don't know and I don't care because at that moment I know I'm what she needs.  And being needed? That is the best feeling!


Don't get me wrong, Carsyn loves everyone and while she's still a momma's girl she gets more attention from aunties, grannies, papaws, and aunt Judy than one can imagine. Everyone in the family has reassured me that she will not lack for attention once the boy comes along. I know that. I just want to be able to divide my time and attention fairly.  Is being her mom in title enough?  Am I...gasp....replaceable?




 And, if she goes through a little Rosie or Granny or Judy or Daddy or whomever preference? Well, I guess that's ok.  Most are telling me my hands will be full enough and my mind will find other things to worry about ;)

Mother's Day

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her - Proverbs 31:28

I'd be lying if I said I didn't love Mother's Day. Being a mom is the best thing ever and I know every mother you know will tell you the same thing. I've always spent the day or at least the day before with my mom and I hope Carsyn will always spend the day with me. This year I spent Saturday with my mom and sister and Sunday with my MIL and SIL. 



We laughed, talked, ate too much, put together puzzles, and just soaked up spending time with each other.  What a wonderful weekend with my little girl!

Of course, I don't think I'd be half the mom I am without this guy.  Melt. My. Heart.

It doesn't hurt he surprised me with these!

I cannot believe this time next year I'll be a mom of two!

Fear of the Unknown

I remember being terrified while pregnant with Carsyn.  Quite frankly just afraid of everything from going into labor to how in the world was I going to take care of a little one.  This time around things are quite different.  I am concerned about adjusting as a mommy to 2.  How am I going to deal with sleep deprivation and breast feeding again?   But honestly my concern now is mostly for Carsyn.  How's she going to deal with being a big sister.  How on earth am I going to give her all the attention she deserves with a precious baby boy clinging to me??

Not so long ago I could not walk out of a room without a shrill "moommmmmy" cry. At the time it was painful. I had to leave knowing Carsyn was crying after me...wondering how long before she settled down. In her mind did she wonder if I was coming back? Lately when I leave I get more of a nonchalant "bye mommy." I'd be lying if I said it wasn't slightly disappointing, but its a bit of a relief as well.

I was telling the hubby last night I didn't get as many compliments on my mothering from him as I used to. True, my insecurities aren't as plentiful, but compliments are always nice to hear! He said Carsyn's love for me should be all I need. You know, he's right. She completely adores me in spite of the times I lose my patience with her.  If I'm sitting in the floor she'll come and plop herself down in my lap.  She'll hug me with both little arms now and I melt. 

When the new addition comes along am I going to be able to divide by love equally? Is she going to be jealous of him and hurt by me?   Is she going to have the love for mommy she has now?  My heart already breaks for her in some ways though I know having a sibling is the best thing in the world!

My number one goal in life is to be a good mother.  I lose sight of this from time to time, but luckily Carsyn keeps me in check.  I pray to God to give me guidance and wisdom.  Please let me adjust to mothering two little babes.  Please let them feel equally loved and blessed and more importantly love each other.

I cannot wait to be a family of four!  I hope I can live up to the task.

Just a little patience

More patience, not enough time in the day, these seem to be recurring cliches of moms, right? Well, there's a reason for that. To say life changes when you have a child is an understatement. Maybe saying sometimes I feel like aliens have abducted my former self and replaced me with a mom robot would be more like it. Change that to a pregnant mom robot actually. How about my dream is about 10 hours of blissful sleep with no monitor in a 10 mile radius? That's one you hear moms say all of the time right? That's because about the time your kid sleeps through the night molars come and rear their ugly head and drinking a gallon of coffee might help, but for the love of pete you're pregnant and not only does the sheer smell of coffee gag you, the limit to the one cup you allow yourself seems pointless and less appetizing than drinking motor oil.

This being said I think my mom pants are fitting pretty well these days. I think its all due to the fact I've grown a little more...PATIENT. To me that's the one key element of parenting. For the first few months its all when will she sleep through the night, I wish she'd get on a schedule, etc. Then its all hurry up and walk, when can she eat real people food because I'm tired of dragging these jars around. Was it like this for you? I kept telling myself to slow down-they do grow too fast, but it seems I was just waiting on the next big milestone. Somehow recently I've learned to slow down a bit. We have bath time in mom's tub every night for a half hour. We have tea parties and hair do contests with our buddy Grayson. Shoot, in the mornings we usually have a piano recital before walking out the door.



I definitely do not have everything figured out. Was it Bridget Jones who said when things are going well in one aspect of your life another practically blows up in your face? So true, Bridget, so true. I'm telling myself Carsyn and the baby are my priorities now. I nap, I sleep late on weekends, my laundry piles up, cooking might happen twice a week. Again, I'm prioritizing momma needs rest above all else. I think these things are magically going to fall into place once I start feeling better. They will won't they?? ;) For now I'll settle for rare vomiting, a healthy baby, and a happy kid.

I hope, well pray, actually that I have patience with the new baby from the get go. Perhaps that's an impossible dream. I distinctly remember the sleep deprived monster I might have turned in to. But, perhaps not. Perhaps my mom pants are permanent. So now, that I've got this mom thing semi-figured out anyone wanna help me remember how to be a good wife again?

Reflections & Phases

I am finding myself reflecting upon Carsyn's life a lot these days. I guess its because she is a year old and I remember so many instances of EXACTLY what we were doing this time last year. It seems like that was just yesterday. Insane. I remember watching endless amounts of football (it was Carsyn's favorite). I remember getting up early in hopes to shower before Carsyn woke up. I remember wondering what on earth we were going to do on Halloween..would she be too cold? would she behave herself? would she be grumpy from sitting up too late? I remember these days when my sister and SIL offered their services and let me do some fun stuff for myself. I recall those long walks at the lake when my baby was bundled up and sleeping soundly and I had a minute to collect my thoughts.

Now, don't get me wrong, those days were rough, but they were gone too quickly. I love being a mommy to an energetic, spirited one year old, but at times I miss that cuddly baby. I miss holding her while she slept for hours though I complained about it at the time.

Moving on to present day...Carsyn really is doing something new every day. Its hard to keep track of. One day she has a favorite toy and the next day its completely forgotten. Her favorite phrase right now is saying "I poop." Basically its every time she sees or hears the word diaper and sometimes randomly in public for no reason. She also says "hello" or more like "hewwow" every time the phone rings or she plays with her phone toy. I've tried to capture these on video.





Ok, so if you watched these can you forgive the state of baby girl's messy room, the fact that she is half swaddled at 1, and my redneck accent?? Thanks!

My darling Carsyn

Carsyn Presley, I cannot believe a year has went by with you in my life. As sappy as it sounds, your momma is a wreck at the thought of you turning one, What was my life like without you? You have become my best friend, my shopping buddy, my jogging partner, my napping sidekick, the reason I wake up with a smile on my face. No matter what I'm doing baby girl, its funner if you're there.

Exactly a year ago I lay in bed terrified at becoming your mother. How could I be responsible for a little one?? I can't even find my keys in the morning and forget to walk the dog on a daily basis. I prayed for the Lord to give me guidance and make me a good mother. To grant me patience and understanding at times needed. I wondered what you'd look like, if you'd be ok, if my heart would burst with happiness the minute I laid eyes on you, Boy, did it ever. That cry was the BEST sound I've ever heard in my life-10 fingers, 10 toes, and pure perfection. It was love at first sight. You have taught me so much and made my life complete. We definitely have tested each other at times, but those late nights and early mornings bonded us in ways I never imagined. At times sleep was my main focus I would catch myself holding you a little longer or just watching you sleep in your crib, Funny how those first few months are so hard at the time, but how they were the best months of your life in hindsight.

As always, Carsyn, your daddy and I love you more than you can imagine. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings for you, baby girl!

Love, Mommy

Drinking the Koolaid

I guess I'm a follower. I'd like to think of myself as a strong, independent leader but maybe I'm more the opposite. I'm a make no apologies about it product junkie. You know how they say when you buy a new item you should throw one out? Not in this house. I hoard my beauty products. I anticipate the InStyle best beauty buys issue way in advance and tear out the little cheat sheet for future purchases. I'm not really an expert but by now I think we all know if you've never tried Nars blush in orgasm or if you haven't had Chanel Vamp or OPI Lincoln Park After Dark on your nails at least once you might be living in a cave. You know what happens when you have a little one?? Well you kinda start living in a cave. At least I have in certain ways. So here are a few beauty products that have finally sucked me in.. And a Life Planner to boot. Have you heard about the Erin Condren Life Planner ;)






I am the last person in America to get the naked palette. Why? Because I have 18000 eye shadows. But I caved eventually. Have you tried it? It's sparkly wonderment-love!

I have watched about 800 infomercials and 500 hours of qvc talking about the Wen products. My hair is still in rough shape after the kiddo. The new growth is so frizzy and it feels drier than it was before. I've been using the Wen for about a month. People have been telling me my hair looks good but maybe that's just because I went 12 weeks without color last time-yikes. My hair does feel healthier, I'm just not sure I'm sold yet.

Lastly, the Life Planner- It's cute, tough, & fun to use. I just wish it had an address book. Then again that gives me an excuse to order another item! You need to go order one of these stat ladies! Trust me, you'll love it!

What have you recently purchased that you must share with others? Tell me so I can run out and get it!

Mommy Stuff

So here's one I stole from Redbook..

10 Things Never to Say to a Stay At Home Mom

1. When the kids are older, do you think you'll get a real job?

2. How June Cleaver of you!

3. Oh, so you don't work?

4. Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?

5. All day with your kids? I can't even imagine.

6. I'm jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn't have to work either.

7. What do you do all day, anyway?

8. I'm sure you're not the only one who's ever wasted money on a college degree.

9. That explains why your son is so clingy!

10. Weird. I assumed your house would be superclean.

—Candy Kirby of thelaughingstork.com, with help from her Twitter followers and friends


10 Things Never to Say to a Working Mom

1. It must be hard missing all those special moments every day.

2. I suppose it's smart that you're working. You know, in case your husband leaves you some day.

3. I'm surprised you went back to work. Your husband seems so successful.

4. It's cute when they call your nanny "Mama."

5. I just love my kids too much to leave them during the day.

6. Did you see Dateline? The one with the hidden camera in the day care?

7. I could never let someone else raise my children. But that's just me!

8. I hated my mom because she was never home after school like everyone else's mom.

9. You must feel so guilty.

10. I wish I were as laid-back as you and could just let the housework go.

—Liz Gumbinner of Mom-101.com, with help from her blog readers

Now, since I work part time and stay at home part time I completely relate to these. In fact, I think dear husband came home one day and asked "What did you do all day anyway?" I seethed siliently knowing it was not meant to cut so deeply. I can honestly say I have been on the receiving end of many of these questions and comments.

I prefer to use my blog as a learning and sharing tool; A means to document my life and be inspired by others. In the blog world there is a LARGE support group for mommies and without advice from 2 lovely ladies from ILYMTC & 5K's I would probably have lost my mind. I often read experiences of mothers being questioned for their practices and parenting styles. WHY? I just don't get it. Meg and Erin are 2 wonderful mommies with adorable children who recently wrote some things which you should read. I just adore them both and applaud their attitudes and honesty. I am so trying to be less judgemental while balancing the whole guilt factor in my own life. Being the best mommy is not the same for every child. There is no "perfect" mold of a mother. I believe each child needs its own set of rules and in fact different children thrive in different environments.

If you're a woman please check out what these ladies have to say, perhaps even leave a word of encouragement. There is nothing more inspring than being lifted up by others :)