Monday, August 26, 2013

Fear's a powerful thing, baby

So, yesterday's message in church really got my wheels spinning...I love it when that happens.  And I connected what the Pastor was saying to one of my favorite Springsteen songs.  

I'll get to that later.

I'm weird like that, I guess.  

And I'm glad the Pastor doesn't read my blog because I'm sure he'd think I'm cuckoo.

He made us turn to Mark 4:35-41 in the Bible and look at the story of the storm when Jesus calmed the wind.

35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” 36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

There are two words which collide here: Faith and Fear.

Now, fears reigns pretty supreme in my house.  W grapples with the all consuming fear.  Fear of financial stability, fear of death and leaving the babes too early, while I'm the opposite.  My fears are like little insecurities which nag me all the time.

I firmly believe its in His hands.  I really do.  When I was about to have Carsyn my blood pressure went through the roof and I'm fairly certain I had a mild panic attack.  It was by far the scariest moment of my life.  I survived.  The Lord blessed me with that sweet baby girl and fears took on a whole new meaning.  

I dealt with fears like I'd never known for that first year of being a mom.  Sleepless nights and worry all but consumed me.  I think its like that with all first time moms, but I could be wrong.  When I found out I was expecting Hank I prayed like I'd never prayed before.  I really wondered why I became pregnant with Hank when I was so overcome with anxiety raising one child.  Carsyn would throw a fit and we'd both meltdown and I'd just look to the Lord and say "And you think I can raise two?!"

And then along came Hanky and I saw God's plan.  His plan for me to appreciate every sleepless night.  To appreciate each sigh and each cuddle.  And to laugh at every fit thrown and toy tossed.  A plan for me to experience the joy of motherhood.

I'm really working on shutting my fears down and letting my faith work its magic.  

I'm so used to being afraid in public...what if I scold my children too harshly and the lady at the checkout counter thinks I'm a bad mom?  

And afraid when I lay the kids down at night..Hank will not sleep without his blanket..what if he gets tangled in it?  

And afraid I'm disappointing my parents..Does Dad need me to help more?  Does Mom think I'm a good mom?

Back to Mark.  Do you know this is the only reference in the Bible of Jesus sleeping?  He is resting and his ship is about to sink!!!

Should we not use this as a guide?  Should we shoot down our fears no matter how large or small simply because we have Faith?

I think Bruce wrote Devils and Dust from a soldier's perspective and while its one of his darkest songs its one of my favorites.

I got God on my side
And I'm just trying to survive
What if what you do to survive
Kills the things you love
Fear's a powerful thing, baby
It can turn your heart black you can trust
It'll take your God filled soul
And fill it with devils and dust

You see, fears to me are like little joy suckers...And I think they can build up and build up until they consume you. 

Do your fears consume you?