I'm not going to lie. Lately I've been envisioning baby boy's arrival and with it the inability to devote my attention to both kid's needs. Simply put, I'm afraid Carsyn will not love me anymore. I fear daddy, Judy, or Rosie will take my place. It saddens me. She's my baby girl and the thought of her needing me and me not being there KILLS me. Thank goodness God gave me a boy this go round because I guess I wasn't ready to let Carsyn relinquish the baby girl title just yet ;) Now when she falls or feels bad and whines "I want mommy" I run to her rescue. I relish it. Its MY THING as her momma. Is that instinct? Is that just what she's familiar with? I don't know and I don't care because at that moment I know I'm what she needs. And being needed? That is the best feeling!
Don't get me wrong, Carsyn loves everyone and while she's still a momma's girl she gets more attention from aunties, grannies, papaws, and aunt Judy than one can imagine. Everyone in the family has reassured me that she will not lack for attention once the boy comes along. I know that. I just want to be able to divide my time and attention fairly. Is being her mom in title enough? Am I...gasp....replaceable?