Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Is It Enough?

I'm not going to lie. Lately I've been envisioning baby boy's arrival and with it the inability to devote my attention to both kid's needs.  Simply put, I'm afraid Carsyn will not love me anymore. I fear daddy, Judy, or Rosie will take my place. It saddens me. She's my baby girl and the thought of her needing me and me not being there KILLS me. Thank goodness God gave me a boy this go round because I guess I wasn't ready to let Carsyn relinquish the baby girl title just yet ;)  Now when she falls or feels bad and whines "I want mommy" I run to her rescue.  I relish it.  Its MY THING as her momma.  Is that instinct?  Is that just what she's familiar with?  I don't know and I don't care because at that moment I know I'm what she needs.  And being needed? That is the best feeling!

Don't get me wrong, Carsyn loves everyone and while she's still a momma's girl she gets more attention from aunties, grannies, papaws, and aunt Judy than one can imagine. Everyone in the family has reassured me that she will not lack for attention once the boy comes along. I know that. I just want to be able to divide my time and attention fairly.  Is being her mom in title enough?  Am I...gasp....replaceable?

And, if she goes through a little Rosie or Granny or Judy or Daddy or whomever preference? Well, I guess that's ok.  Most are telling me my hands will be full enough and my mind will find other things to worry about ;)


  1. Bless your heart. I have these same feelings...probably the reason E remains an only child. But girl. You are normal. These feelings are normal. NO ONE can replace you. You both will get through this new transition and be back to a 'new normal' in no time. Just look at it this there ANYONE on this earth who could replace YOUR MOM?!?!!?! NOPE! I don't think so! one will replace you either!

  2. My daughter has gone through stages where she liked one of us better than the other....and one twin prefers daddy and one twin prefers me. You will never be replaceable, but I do understand your feelings. I know the twins don't get as much one on one attention as Maddy did. There's just not as much time when there's more than one.